It was the first official day of Comic-Con 2010. The sky was still as gray and dark, as it was only 4:30 a.m. Gabe Delahaye and Max Silvestri parked their rental car, a Sahara Sand 2003 Toyota Camry, in the special Hulk Smash/H8 section reserved for visiting pop-culture bloggers. They walked up to the gargantuan entrance to the legendary Hall H, where classic films of years past had debuted, like Van Helsing and Hamlet 2. Great films! The interior was dark and cool and smelled of nerd sweat and Code Red in that particularly exciting way that old basements can have during Friday night Advanced Dungeons & Dragons sessions.

Max and Gabe stood at the threshold of the hall for a moment, lost in reflection. Gabe nibbled on a package of California Raisin dried apricots, both to keep himself from getting sick from excitement and to keep himself regular. He knew it was going to be a long day.

“Which line do you want to wait in?” asked Max. He was busy on his iPhone as he said this, playing with his Lightsaber app. It was his favorite app. He had only recently learned how to stop making the lightsaber sounds when he swung his phone. Gabe frowned and fidgeted with his lucky Jonah Hex ascot, secretly hoping that everyone would notice how well it accentuated his pajama jeans. The line for the Salt panel looked good, but it would only last maybe an hour or two. The Megamind panel looked promising, ensuring at least an eight-hour wait. But that was still not enough. Max and Gabe had come to wait in lines, and only the best line would do.

Max and Gabe walked slowly through the hall, past the Step Up 3D booth, the bored models in skin-tight baseball uniforms standing in front of Kenny Powers’ Signature Jet-skis, and the Jack Black Gulliver’s Travels Blow-Up Castle. Then Gabe saw it. He stopped stock-still and stood gape-jawed. Max saw it too and swallowed once, twice, thrice in excitement.

“The Harry Knowles Says Inane Crap Panel!” they shouted simultaneously.

Yes, there it was. The line extended well outside of the Hall, into the streets, reaching even to the San Diego Zoo where the panda exhibit was closed for repairs. This was the line they were waiting for. The duo moved to the end, psyched that they had found the right line at last.

The first three hours just flew by. So many amazing memories! The tote bags everyone carried were AMAZING and festive. Every so often, people with official red badges hanging on their necks, visually confirming their right to hand out free crap, handed out free crap! Gabe had by this time the posters for six movies, including A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas; 15 coupons for various San Diego restaurants, most exciting of which was for a 66 cent Original Chocolate Frosty at Wendy’s; six fliers for exotic ladies (?) who would do some weird things with their things in weird ways; and best of all, a small bobble-head of Jerry O’Connell promoting his new show The Defenders, this September Wednesdays at 10:00 pm Eastern/9:00 pm Central.

At the sixth hour, Max took a bite of his Subway Freshbuzz Western Egg & Cheese sandwich. He looked at the dripping mayo and drew the back of his wrist across his mouth. Then he looked around. Next to him, there was pictures being taken of Logan’s Run fans, dressed in their full regalia, but there was also a Mario and a Luigi, and a velociraptor? They were certainly colorful. Behind him was a group of spirited young men arguing that Cobb was actually in the Matrix during the events of Inception, thus making the dream-within-a-dream discussion moot. They each carried overstuffed bags spilling over with gifts, promotional crap, and the accoutrements of middle-class nerdhood. Their faces were pale and acne-scarred and satisfied. Their conversation was delightful to overhear, and when the young men left to go another line, Max was filled with a sharp pangs of sorrow.  

Gabe and Max kept themselves well-hydrated with the 40-ounce Red Bulls they had each brought for the occasion. They knew to take turns going to the bathroom, where there were also lines but nowhere near as long or delightful as the line for the ladies’ room. Sometimes women have all the luck.

At last they were face-to-face with Harry Knowles. The wait in line had taken 16 hours and 36 minutes, which was a personal best for Max but not for Gabe, who once waited 23 hours and 11 minutes for tickets to see Billie Holiday perform live.

“Hi!” said Harry Knowles. He was a ridiculous person who said ridiculous things. “Michael Bay is a friend of mine! I told him to cast Betty White in Transformers 3!”

Gabe and Max cheered and left Harry Knowles flapping his stupid face. After all, they hadn’t come for Harry Knowles: they had come to wait in lines. They went back to the parking lot to find their car battery was dead. This was the best news of the night, because now they’d have to wait for a tow truck for at least an hour.

“Best day ever?” asked Max. “Best day ever!” exclaimed Gabe.