Note: I’m not going to list any kind of editor’s choice or a lowest voted because as Gabe said, “it would be a shame to tarnish Videogum’s anniversary with something so callow and divisive as to play favorites while also singling out individuals for shame.” I will, however, list the top five and the caption winner.
Top Five
1. Morley Zhi 130
2. Polythene Pam 84
“IT’S FOR MY JOB, MOM”
Posted in: Fruit Gushers Review
3. Polythene Pam 82
Katherine Heigl
Posted in: BREAKING FART NEWS: Blind Item
4. Dusky Panther 81
“I’d rather not.” -Women
Posted in: These Are Your Boyfriends: The Men From The “Dear Woman” Video
5. the hammer is my penis 80
Please Hamma, don’t hurt ‘em
Posted in: Sorry, Ladies, But Jon Hamm Is A Big Old Goof
Caption Winner:
the narrator 103
“I immediately need to come up with a way to not blame this on her weight.” – Chmerkovskiy
Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Kirstie Alley Falling On Dancing With The Stars
Placement of contest winners. http://videogum.com/278752/the-videogum-2011-academy-awards-pool/top-stories/
Note: I’ve not listed ties in any particular order. If I’ve miscalculated, please e-mail me at werttrew99@yahoo.com
Out of 18 possible points:
Zalojo 16
Brimicbed 16
Dan, man of science 16
Braxtonk89 15
Elisabeth Bromberg 15
Mtnsbeyondmtns 15
Palbleaux 15
Dusky Panther 14
Forss Fagerstrom 14
Obviously_tma 14
You guys? 14
Danny Porcaro 14
Milehigold 14
Bokoboko 14
What what 14
JR 13
Notspelledbrain 13
Natasha Simons 13
Larry threevis 13
Widdershins42 13
Royalswine 13
Heyhermano 13
Huckabeast 13
Orbital 13
Hemogoblins 13
Gerald P. Meyer 13
Stacia Marlett 13
Pop ramblings 13
Nat Esten 13
Stu 13
Ian 12
Burnttongue 12
The hammer is my penis 12
Jeff 12
Werttrew 12
Jessa Forsythe-Crane 12
Zorro 12
Michelle 12
Rick moranis 12
Thepurplemonk 12
Girl Friday 12
Nabby 12
Polythene pam 12
Hotspur 12
Idamon 12
Alex logan 12
Josh 12
Duke Nukem 12
Clockworkrobots 12
Berightback 12
Pickpocket 12
Frank Lloyd Wrong 11
Grittyreboot 11
Octavis 11
Scriptamanet 11
Applepiehubbub 11
Katie 11
Nicholas Tinsley 11
Lazy A 11
Head pants now 11
Katydid 11
Blue barracudas 11
Gene parmesan 11
Dude 11
Akirasrain 11
Braundiggity 11
Duncan 11
Astrolatry 11
Will 11
Mouesh 11
Sharkjacket 11
Thisismynightmare 10
Jamimarie 10
Pukearabbit 10
Bad_hat_harry 10
Justin harlacher 10
Gradstudentsaretheworst 10
Bocboda 10
Ginger Ball z 10
Powlsy 10
Merrywanderer 10
Kittensmash 10
Falconfervor 10
Don mccoy 10
Mr. hausfrau 10
Kate lamar 10
Meetmymillionaires 10
Problematique 10
Isaidwhat25 10
Alan Edward Johnson 10
Andrew Goddeeris 10
Bucky 10
Mhaze107 10
Gary Bang 9
Alanis Morissette 9
Burdette 9
Watching what happened 9
Lulacrazygirl7 9
That one 9
Jeska 9
Never a bad idea 9
Clifwith1f: 9
Lookoutforsnakes 9
Captain Boring of the SS Shut Up 9
Tastethehappy 9
Volkery 9
Makingitcaine: 9
Whoatom101 8
Smiles 8
Whyareyouyelling 8
Ikilledlaurapalmer 8
Fresh DJ Hot Breakfast 8
Amberto 8
Kimmy gibbler 8
Grinth 8
Concert_addict 7
Brandon Monzon 7
Bizzarospeak 7
sivarttheGreat 7
Thekelburrows 7
Lensles 6
Oscar 5
Flid 5
Sol is a girl 4
Loz 4
Top Five Comments
+61 Frank Lloyd Wrong
If these two had a baby, it would be Richard Belzer:
From: http://videogum.com/257661/r-i-p-larry-king-live-2/tv/
+71 Wary
What the hell is wrong with those parents? Giggling at a tantrum? They think it’s cute? That kid is going to grow up to become a serial killer who targets librarians, every December.
From: http://videogum.com/258911/books-arent-toys-books-are-poop/webjunk/viral-video/
+78 Frank Lloyd Wrong
From: http://videogum.com/258911/books-arent-toys-books-are-poop/webjunk/viral-video/
+83 R2D2, Esq.
The joke being that if you eat toilet paper, then you poop toilet paper, and therefore there’s no need to wipe.
“I see what you did there.” – Everyone
“Oh, good.” – R2D2, Esq.
“That doesn’t mean it’s funny.” – Everyone
From: http://videogum.com/259291/thats-your-girlfriend-kesha-the-toilet-paper-addict/thats-your-girlfriend/
+96 Huckabeast
This Kesha eats toilet paper. The other Ke$ha produces shit. Circle of life.
From: http://videogum.com/259291/thats-your-girlfriend-kesha-the-toilet-paper-addict/thats-your-girlfriend/
Lowest Voted Comment:
Son of Gabe -28
Downvote this comment.
http://videogum.com/258102/the-videogum-movie-club-tron-legacy/franchises/the-videogum-movie-club/
Tabulated comments from articles published Friday, Nov 19; Monday, Nov 22; Tuesday, Nov 23; and Wednesday, Nov 24.
TOP FIVE
1. huckabeast 132
YES I CAN
From http://videogum.com/249972/cookie-monster-auditions-for-saturday-night-live/top-stories/
2. yourmom 111
Firstness.
From: http://videogum.com/249722/thats-your-girlfriend-lori-davenport/thats-your-girlfriend/
3 kingmaker 92
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000), starring Jim Carrey and Taylor Momsen.
From: http://videogum.com/249511/the-hunt-for-the-worst-movie-of-all-time-holiday-movie-nominees/franchises/the-hunt-for-the-worst-movie-of-all-time/
4 Polythene Pam 84
I think the “paying” audience was the one waiting outside in their cars to drive their yahooligans home after the show.
From: http://videogum.com/249822/taking-one-for-the-team-the-brokencyde-concert-challenge/franchises/taking-one-for-the-team/
5 An American Patriot 80
I THINK people just NEED TO back the fuck OFF GABE AND let a PLAYA WRITE.
Also it’s THE FUCKIN internet, where the HELL IS the “relax” BUTTON?
OH, there it is.
From: http://videogum.com/248832/by-request-the-reset-button/top-stories/
CONTEST WINNERS
http://videogum.com/248802/win-a-copy-of-sterlings-gold-wit-and-wisdom-of-an-ad-man/contests/
Contest: Post the name of YOUR memoirs in the comments.
werttrew
Amelia, Amelia:
The Story of werttrew, the Internet’s Sexy Palindrome, in the World’s First Animated Gif Memoir
Facetaco
Are you there, God? It’s me, Facetaco. Why Did You Think It Was A Good Idea To Make A Man With A Taco For A Face?!
CAPTION WINNER
http://videogum.com/250031/the-videogum-why-dont-you-caption-it-contest-drake-haircut/franchises/why-dont-you-caption-it/
Huckabeast 85
“I simply cut away anything that did not look like Drake.”
LOWEST VOTED
(Note: I had earlier incorrectly listed Steve Winwood as the week’s lowest.)
http://videogum.com/249511/the-hunt-for-the-worst-movie-of-all-time-holiday-movie-nominees/franchises/the-hunt-for-the-worst-movie-of-all-time/
the narrator -31
Home Alone.
You might have liked it as a kid.
Go back and watch it again.
Tallied as of 11:30 EST on Nov 24 from http://videogum.com/249511/the-hunt-for-the-worst-movie-of-all-time-holiday-movie-nominees/franchises/the-hunt-for-the-worst-movie-of-all-time
Gabe stated: Whichever nominees get the most “support” in this comment thread (and only this comment thread) will be the movies that are selected, so if you see something say something.
An asterisk means that Netflix lists this as a “family movie,” so I’m not sure if it runs afoul of the no children’s movie rule or not. In parentheses I list the maximum number of upvotes the film nominated received. I then counted the comments in support and the comments in protestation.
Figuring out the four “winners” is tricky—do you give more weight to vocal support in the comments or to high upvotes? Judging from Gabe’s statement I favored comments more than upvotes. As I see it, the four “winners” are:
Four Christmases (+44) 14 for
Christmas with the Kranks (+60) 13 for
*Jingle All The Way (+56) 13 for 3 against
Love Actually (+20) 15 for, 6 against
Runners Up:
Holiday (+58) 10 for, 1 against
Jack Frost (Michael Keaton) (+11) 8 for
Reindeer Games (+30) 6 for
Jack Frost (horror) (+14) 6 for
Santa Claus: The Movie (+30) 6 for
8 Crazy Nights (+70) 5 for
*How the Grinch Stole Christmas (+89) 4 for
Surviving Christmas (+30) 5 for
The rest:
Note: I did not list films that were “holiday” but not November/December holidays.
A Christmas Story (+7) 7 for, 3 against
*Ernest Saves Christmas (+40) 3 for 1 against
Fred Claus (+28) 4 for
*The Santa Clause (+15) 4 for, 2 against *The Santa Clause 2 (+13) 3 for *The Santa Clause 3 (+19) 4 for The Polar Express (+14) 4 for
Home for the Holidays (+1) 2 for, 2 against
Nothing like the Holidays, starring John Leguizamo (+15) 2 for
Deck the Halls (+30) 3 for
The Family Man (+48) 2 for, 3 against
Die Hard 2 (-2) 1 for, 4 against
Robin Williams Toys film (+13) 4 for, 3 against
Bad Santa (+6) 4 for
*Home Alone (-30) 2 for, 4 against
*Home Alone 2 (+6) 2 for
*Home Alone 3 (+10) 3 for
*Home Alone 4 (+2) 1 for
Undercover Christmas (+6) 1 for
Star Trek: Generations (+5) 1 for
Black Christmas (2006) (+8) 3 for
While You Were Sleeping (+15) 2 for
The Ice Harvest (+4) 2 for
*Miracle on 34th Street (original) (+3) 1 for, 1 against
*Miracle on 34th Street (remake) (+3) 1 for
Trapped In Paradise (+3) 1 for
Eyes Wide Shut (+16) 2 for
The Hebrew Hammer (+10) 1 for
Santa’s Slay (+4) 3 for
Scrooged (+6) 2 for
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (+6) 3 for
The Ref (+5) 2 for, 2 against
Lethal Weapon (+1) 1 for
Babes in Toyland (1986) (+12) 2 for
A Christmas Carol (Jim Carrey) (+23) 1 for
Gingerdead Man (+7) 1 for
Noel with Robin Williams (+1) 1 for
Friends and Lovers (+2) 2 for
I’ll Be Home For Christmas (Jon. Taylor Thomas) (+25) 1 for
Prancer (+15) 1 for
Everybody’s Fine (+3) 1 for
Planes, Trains, and Automobiles (0) 1 for
Elf (+1) 1 for, 1 against
Films that were nominated but not eligible:
The Christmas Toy never had theatrical release
Christmas Shoes never had theatrical release
Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventure never had theatrical release
Thomas Kinkade’s Home for Christmas Aka The Christmas Cottage never had theatrical release
Glenn Beck’s A Christmas Sweater is not available on Netflix.
Eli Roth’s Thanksgiving…that wasn’t a real film, right?
Christmas with a Capital C never had theatrical release
How The Grinch Stole Xmas (the original) never had theatrical release
Christmas in Wonderland Netflix doesn’t carry it.
Santa With Muscles (+31) 6 for. Surprisingly, Netflix doesn’t carry it.
Lawblog's lawless blog: Gums Of Our Lives: Episode 1 -
It was a cold December night, and The Narrator was busy in his laboratory. He laughed to himself as he bent over his machine. “Reckless?” he cackled to himself. “Irresponsible? I’ll show them reckless and irresponsible!” He wiped the fevered sweat from his brow as he checked the time. “Only…
Hey guys! Check out myfakeironlung/Just Désserts annoucement about a Holidaygum Secret Santa event!
I am starting an Elfster for this exchange. If you would like to participate, send me your email address depland [dot] m [at] gmail.com or contact me via twitter @myfakeironlung. The sign up ends in a week on Nov. 23. The gift limit we are looking at is about $10-15 max. We want to be creative or meme oriented. Or you could just be weird, whatever. It’s all in the best of spirits. I’ll be sending out invites this week, so sign up while you can.
The way it will work is I will email you the Elfster invite, and you can supply your real name or monster name, but an address will have to be supplied. However, it will only to your gift giver, so no identity theft-o. If you have any more questions let me or werttrew know.
Happy gift giving monsters.
Signed, Just Désserts
For more information on Elfster: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elfster
You know what I like? I like male genitalia. After all, I have one and it’s a lot of fun. And practical. Thanks to one, I was born! Thanks to mine, I am going to be a father in a few months!
But you know what I don’t like? Strangers showing them to me in chatrooms! Yuck!
So, Videogum’s chat ( http://tinychat.com/videogum ) is now password protected. Please feel free to share the password ( which is “enhance”) with fellw monsters.
It wasn’t monsters who felt the need to share their shortcomings with the world—it was random people dropping by on our tinychat. So we hope this keeps the flashers away while letting us do our thang.
Again, the password is enhance.
Here are the lyrics! Also, Teacherman had a Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lh81je3mDoo
-=-=-=
Robin Rubbermaid – “Goodbye Monkey”
Goodbye monkey
So long Cake Eatur
Goodbye monkey
So long Cake Eatur
Goodbye monkey
How I miss Da Cake Eatur
Your spelling was substandard
Your grammar below par
But for sheer transcendant troll stupidity
You really set the bar
Goodbye monkey
Cake Eatur you’re a star
Goodbye monkey (Iz u relly a skwirel?)
So long Cake Eatur
Goodbye monkey (well come to da streets. da wall streets)
So long Cake Eatur
Goodbye monkey (LOL SHE BE LIKE LOOK OUT I NEED UPSTARES!!)
Whither Da great Cake Eatur
Guess we’ll never know you
Just who you really are
Maybe you’re a suicidal simian
Was it just an avatar?
Goodbye monkey
Cake Eatur you’re a star
Goodbye monkey (Cut it out, you creep / You know the rules)
Cake Eatur you’re a star
Goodbye monkey (Old Dude, Mayor Bee, WoW Rules 69 / Pick a name and stick with it)
Cake Eatur you’re a star
Goodbye monkey (You know the rules / It is your flagrant abuse of the Videogum Commenter Community’s trust)
Cake Eatur you’re a star
(Cut it out, you creep)
Teacherman – “Fell in Love with a Monster”
I spend my days on Videogum
Just trying to read it all
And looking for that invitation
To the Monster’s Ball
There’s been a new monster in town
She’s been getting upvotes from my heart
She’s as funny as any around
She got the cutest little avatar
Chorus:
At first it was
Just a crush
I think I’m falling in love
With a Monster
Well, she had a post in the BNPG
That had me ROFLOLing
Even Steve Winwood was complimentary
With not one word about her misspellings
Now, in the end she may turn out to be
A little more Sawyer, a little less Kate
I don’t really care if she is a he
I say better gay than fake
Chorus
Bridge:
I may not know her name
But I know how she makes me feel
And it may sound insane
But our virtual love is real
There’s only one thing more
Before I make her my queen
I should probably be sure
That she’s at least 18
Chorus
Lawblog – “We Monsters”
Spoken: Yo, sometimes it seems like the world is out to get you. There’s a hole in the ocean, Vanilla Ice has a reality show, Justin bieber. And it seems like there’s nowhere you can go to make sense of it all without being called a noob fag. But luckily there’s an oasis of hope in the barf desert that is the internets.
VERSE 1
It’s the land of top chef recaps and best new party game
I’m on it all the time which could explain why I’m partly lame
I’ll be hittin refresh until the day is over
Cause I need to know what the fuck is up with topher
Even though they don’t get references I make about Tony Romo
Still the best media blog in the world (no promo)
Tell my girlfriend I’ll be late and tell my boss that I am sorry
I spend all day making comments with my friends, what are we?
CHORUS
We Monsters
Don’t let the trolls hurt you
Got mad upvotes for notsewfast and werttrew
We Monsters
Keep your books on the shelf
In don’t matter cause the world is gonna end in 2012
We Monsters
One of my personal preferences
To make a song and fill it up with all inside references
We Monsters
Cause this flow has caught on
I’m this generation’s basil marceaux dot com
VERSE 2
My gifs are so hot that the animation’s got you stunnin
Take you fools for a ride like Jeremy London
I’ll keep taking all my EGOTs on the mantlepiece they shine
Until the day that I retire like Amanda Bynes
I’ma keep posting every single day without rest
Cause you know I gots to win that caption contest
Week’s best comment you know I want to be on you
Time to photoshop more pictures of that sad Keanu
Or make a goop reference because we know that Gwenyth’s lackin
Find a picture of a puppy and then post in on the back end
Keep disrespecting Ke$ha for way long after this track ends
Open up my wallet’s filled with pictures of all of my black friends.
CHORUS
We Monsters
Put more posts on this thread
Keep going till it’s filled, yeah that’s what she said
We Monsters
Time to pop another bottle
We all big nerds, reports Duh Aficionado
We Monsters
We always up on the latest trend
You can’t downvote us but we don’t give a care, friend
We Monsters
Uh oh, you mad
Check out this next verse cause it’s totally rad
VERSE 3
All of you haters out there who want to call us fake and gay
I’m up like Alvin greene shouting “no! Go Away!”
You say you don’t love us but that’s just to be mean and
You’ll probably end up singing along just like keenan
And we can take one for the team like joe mande
While gabe sits there gumming on a butterscotch candy
Get your sad don drapers cause that shit comes in handy
Winning the internet is our modus operandi
It’s dandy how you bring the latest in memes
Combing through detritus on those interweb streams
I depend on Godsauce to be so witty
And I expect Steve Winwood to say that “she’s pretty”
I read y’all so much that I it feels like you’re right there
A day without commenting, THAT is my nightmare.
Without y’all I don’t rise like bread without yeast
Yeah I’m a Monster… like mothafuckin huckabeast
Sung:
-Double Rainbow all the way across the sky. What does it mean? What does it mean?
-Obviously we have a rapist in Lincoln Park. Lincoln Park.
-You are the man now, dog. You are the man now.
-That’s your boyfriend.
Shout outs!
Topknot – “We Should All Be So Lucky”
We Should All Be So Lucky
We should all be so lucky as to find something in this world that makes us happy.
We should all be so lucky as to find something in this world that makes us happy.
I could have a candy bra
Or sing clown core for a Luna Bar
Dress up like Sailor Moon
And play bass, or get a life-like horse costume
I should be so lucky as to find something in this world that would make me as happy.
We should all be so lucky as to find something in this world that makes us happy.
I could along to my Neo Geo collection
Or be the mustache champion
I could try contact juggling
Or Irish hand dancing
I should be so lucky as to find something in this world that would make me as happy.
We should all be so lucky as to find something in this world that makes us happy.
You can dress your chickens in costumes
You can dress up like Japanese girls and build snowmen, yes you can
You can rub chocolate on Miley Cyrus’ face, if you want to you can
You can marry a video game character or throw business cards with your hands, yes you can
You can audition for death metal bands, yes you can
You can build a sculpture out of balloons of Optimus Prime anytime
I should be so lucky as to find something in this world that would make me as happy.
We should all be so lucky as to find something in this world that makes us happy.
Unleash the katana for me
Unleash the katana for me
and all my chickens in costumes you see
Unleash the katana for me
and all my chickens in costumes you see
And Boomer the Dog too, he’s here with me.
Del Preston - “J.O.R.T.S.”
Jorts
From the moment I rise
Jorts
Denim covers my thighs
Jorts
Cargo pockets hold my cellphone and snacks
Jorts
Try that next time you’re wearing your slacks
Jorts
Which ones will I choose?
Jorts
Bugle Boy or Anchor Blues?
Jorts
Hemmed up to my knees
Jorts
They’re as sexy as you please
Jorts
When I step out at night
Jorts
My calves and ankles don’t hide
Jorts
A hammer loop helps keep my tools in order
Jorts
I’ll rock my jorts all the way into Mordor
Jorts
Which ones are for me?
Jorts
High Sierra or Lee?
Jorts
Fitted loose and relaxed
Jorts
They conceal all of my Juggalo tats
Yo pogs. Gonna repost the rules ( see http://videogum.com/218321/announcing-the-videogum-song-contest/contests/ ) and explain some other things.
The grand prize winner will get a $100 iTunes gift certificate. WOW! The second place winner will receive his or her very own TV Hat! And the third place winner will receive an autographed photo of Topher Grace.
FAQ:
***Can I submit more than one entry?
Yes.
***Can’t we see all entries, not just the top five?
Maybe? We’ll see. We honestly don’t know what kind of response we’ll get, so we’ll have to see. If it is less than 15 entries, probably. More than that and the logistics will get complicated. I certainly think we’ll see at least a “rest of the best” at some point.
***Wait, why is it you three guys judging? Why not have Gabe do it all?
Basically we volunteered. Chris_Trash came up with the idea and brought me in, and then we brought Shellbomber in. We ran it by Gabe and he liked it!
Gabe is a busy man with many blogs to blog. The You Can Make It Up Contest from last year was a lot of work on Gabe, so to make it easier on him we’re going to do the grunt work as much as we can. The more we can take off his shoulders, the better. Besides, this is FMBM!! Kids and non-bloggers only!